This is one of the most commonly asked questions when it comes to finding their one true love. Are there any set of standards to filter out people that comes into our lives? Do you really need to find her? Or will she just arrive in a time or place where you never thought or expect you would?

But how do we really know if the person we just met is the one? So to answer this, I’ve asked certain people – family, acquaintances, and friends.

We all have different perspectives and experiences when it comes to love. And if we talk about love, it is like an air that we breathe, unable to grasp with our own bare hands. No words can exactly describe this four-letter word.

The depth and vastness of it, brings people into ponder trying to find the exact statements that could describe their experience on something so unlimited, unexplicable to be expressed tangibly into words. 

Some women had difficulty putting them together. And some men can articulate and distinguish well. I had an interesting conversation with a friend about this and she said something interesting, “Maybe men had known it first before us.” But who really knew it first? It made me ponder on this too.

Let’s hover over with some thoughts from these great people I personally know who took their time in answering what it seemed to be a hard question for single or unmarried people.

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Reading different perspectives of “the one”, I come to know they have common denominator: a feeling of love, trust and commitment. People may hold different perspective of “who the one is” reflecting his/her mindset and inner values .

Few years ago, I asked my dad how will you know if the person you meet is the right one? And he answered,

“You’ll just know… because it will pour out like rain. And its unstoppable. ”

I paused and reflected on what he meant by that.

I had completely  forgotten about that question. But then, I didn’t know that question had opened up for me and the Universe started showing me signs. Everywhere I go, hearts eluded my sight. I find hearts just anywhere. Moon talked to me, trees whispered to me, “I love you.” Even the air brought so much scent I’ve never smelled before. I never knew how “love is in the air” feels like… until I am breathing ‘LOVE AIR’ for the first time.

I never knew how ‘love is in the air’ feels like… until I am breathing ‘LOVE AIR’ for the first time.

Followed by all this overwhelming feeling of love, one day I met a man. It poured like rain.  My being was filled with bliss I never ever knew existed. He came like a lightning and a thunder at the same time. He shined like a sun and heaven poured rain, not just droplets but heavy rain. It washed all over me. It’s intense light brought so much awakening within myself. It made me realize how disconnected I am.

When this man came, it has renewed the deeper connection I have with myself, to nature, to the Universe/God. What I didn’t know about, which most lovers never reveal is the truth about shadows.

In Jungian Psychology, the shadow refers to an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself.

 I grew up watching fairytales and only believe in all the good things until reality kicked in. When such great love comes into your life, it will shake off everything you have known, about yourself, and the world. It brings all your pains and traumas into surface. Those pains you’ve suppressed for how many years of living will come up to be resolved.

Your lover will serve as the light to the hidden parts of yourself you have concealed. He/she will expose who you are not and who you are to the core. When this happens, it will reveal your authentic self – the you who is free of labels and worldly conditioning. This will come up again and again until you clear this yourself. During this moment, I suggest you to acknowledge, release the old, welcome the new, to surrender and have faith during the process.

Let’s go back to the question,  how do you really know if he or she is the one?

Truth is, I cannot answer it for you, I can only show you different perspectives from different people. Because with that, only your heart could answer that question. What I can only share to you are the things on how to prepare yourself for the one.


Imagine yourself being a relationship where you never get satisfied. Is your partner the culprit and the only one who needs to change? or should everyone do its part to receive the love, trust and harmony within the relationship. The tips below are not just for single or unmarried people. This could also be applied to those who are in current relationships or who are already married.

#1 – Be the One

Be the lover that you’ve been looking for. Stop looking around and focus  your attention into improving yourself to becoming the one. Because truth is,  you are the one you’ve  always been waiting for. Make your dreams into reality. Write that book! Build that business you’ve been setting aside for too long.

Here is a great exercise you can do in your ‘me time’.

 Make a list of the qualities you are looking for a lover.

  • S/He is great at cooking. Are you a great cook? No. Then start learning how to cook your favorite foods.
  • S/He can make me happy. Can you make yourself happy? No. Sometimes. But how? Make a list of all the things that you love doing and start integrating this into your daily life.
  • S/He is physically and mentally fit. Are you taking care of your physical and mental health?

All the qualities you are looking for the one, start applying this gradually to yourself. You will then start to notice you’re attracting more people like you. This is how you will know, you are right on track. You can only attract who you are, not what you want. This is the law of attraction. By embodying the qualities you love in a person, you are sending requests to the Universe, to give it to you.

#2 – Self-awareness and Authenticity

BE, KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF.  It takes so much time and awareness into knowing and loving yourself. Are you aware of what you usually tell yourself? If you aren’t aware of this, get yourself a mirror and look at yourself.  What does the mirror tell you? What thoughts are surfacing?

 I am so beautiful. I am good enough. I am worthy of these things. My lips/eyes are my greatest asset.

Or something like this,

I look ugly. Nobody would like me.  I’m so fat. I’m so thin. I’m the most unlucky person in the world. I can never find a better love at all.

This is what you call, the mirror exercise. This will make you aware of how you see and treat yourself. Are these conversations self-sabotaging or self-loving? Remember what you tell yourself is what energy you exude regardless of how you look. It’s how you feel about yourself. Now that you are aware of this, try to practice self-awareness daily by saying something loving to your self. Notice how this shifts your perspective about how you see yourself and how others see you as well.

When you become comfortable of who you are, your authenticity will attract an authentic love.

#3 – See Everyone as A Mirror

Try to analyze what you’ve been attracting into your life. Let the people you meet become an instrument into knowing and improving yourself better. How to do this? By seeing everything around you as a mirror. “I don’t get it.” If you have learned about the mirror exercise, it’s the same. The difference is that, you don’t look at yourself in the mirror. The person in front of you serves as the mirror.

If you meet grateful people, its more likely you have already been practicing gratitude into your life. If you encounter someone who triggers you an emotional response, be aware what emotion does this person bring into the surface? Doubt? Ask this back to yourself. “What doubts do I have about myself?” That you aren’t good enough? See everyone who comes along your way as a teacher to improve and be aware more of yourself. This is inner work.

Pains and unresolved trauma could hinder you from seeing the person fully. This could bleed in different areas of your life. Ever wonder, you never get satisfied in every relationships you come across? When this happens, look at the patterns that keep coming up into the surface. “My boyfriend or girlfriend keeps seeing somebody else!” What could be the underlying issue? Faith? Trust? Pixie dust? lol  Remember, thoughts become things. The more you acknowledge and heal these traumas from past relationships, the more you gain clarity on your present relationships.


We never grow old unless you stop learning new things. Get yourself ready, because anytime today, you will meet yourself in another person. Someone who reflects your mindset, your deepest and most treasured values. Your lover doesn’t come unprepared. He/she comes because you have come to align with your truth and your divine calling. Most importantly, because you have finally meet yourself fully- your best and the worst, your light and the dark.

If you’ve come reading this far, let me know your thoughts on the comment box below. I’d love to hear your reflection on this post.

PS Thank you so much to those people who contributed on this article. See the slider on top. If you want me to include you on the slider, you can email me at [email protected] Have a great day everyone!

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A great love never pleases a lover as this love strips off all patterns of generational conditioning. It’s the love beyond what you have known and it is this love that will carry you back home – to the truth of who you are.

Mary Joy N. Buenaventura